#12 Marriage...Thoughts from the Back Deck...

#12 Marriage, is it worth it? Thoughts from the back deck...

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
September 1st, 1990, (that is today!) I waited at the front of a church for my future wife to come around the corner and walk down the aisle with her father. 

Some people have storybook weddings and storybook lives. Some people seem to suffer tragedy after tragedy. Most people move through life, and I believe are living somewhere in the middle of these two extremes.

Marriages are at an all-time low. Fewer are marrying. Those who are getting married are doing so later in life (male average age is now 29!). Fewer are staying married. So, is marriage an outdated social construct? 

No. 

Michelle had "three moms" growing up as her dad moved from relationship to relationship.

My parents divorced. 

Our wedding day photos with the parents looked more like a mugshot after being arrested. I don't mean like Trump's recent photo, either. I mean that downcast look with no expression like the ones that Sherriff Judd holds up at press conferences! 

I hear people say all too often when asked about marriage the strangest things. Things like: "Well, I saw my parents go through a divorce, and I have decided I am never getting married!". Have you ever heard something like that? (Hopefully, you did not say that. Fair warning! If you have, you will not like where this goes next!).

Michelle and I could have sworn off marriage with what we saw in our own households growing up. At 33 years married, we obviously didn't! 

Why?

We both realized we saw a lot of good in our parent's relationships. In fact, more good than bad even though our parents' marriages ended. Has it been easy? Nope. There have been ups and downs. There have been times we have deeply wounded each other. There have been times when we stuck it out when it would have been easier to throw in the towel, but we looked at each other and knew it was not a piece of paper, easily thorn in two, keeping us together. It was God. It was knowing that a woman was standing across from me who might be upset with me but deeply loved me. A woman who has hopes and dreams and feels deeply and passionately about all kinds of things. A woman who has desires. My wife is imperfect, just as I am. She loves and is loved by others and by me. My wife is loved by God, just as I am. 

Michelle and I were trained up as a child in the way we should go. We saw positive and negative examples in our parents. There were vivid examples of being trained in the way we should not go, just as there were just as striking examples of the way we should go. 

Marriage is not an outdated social construct. Studies show the opposite. Marriage is necessary and suitable for a healthy society and for the nuclear family. 

Folks, if you're living together and don't want to get married because you are afraid of divorce, you are lying to yourself! A breakup will be just as painful, messy, and spiritually and emotionally damaging as if you were married. And no, it does not make it any easier on any kids you might have together. Let's face it: if you are living together, it's easier to step out that door when life throws a curve ball. 

Marriage helps us settle down. 
Facts:
  • We learn to step up and learn what it means to be an adult
  • Begin to think of others instead of yourself and your own gratification.
  • Learning what it means to care for others
  • According to sociologists, marriage has a transformative effect as it is a last rite of passage into adulthood.
  • The social world changes as hanging out at the bar is not ideal.
  • Church and other social institutions are stepped into (coaching, PTA, neighborhood gatherings, family gatherings...)
  • Married people think differently than single people. Robin Williams said it best when he recalled the birth of his firstborn son, saying he could not walk over to the cradle and throw up on his son because he drank too much.  
A Nobel Prize-winning economist, George Akerlof, said: "Men will settle down when they get married; if they fail to get married, they fail to settle down."
Do a little research. There are studies from one side of this country to the other from the top universities that point these truths out. 

Still, the best and most important place to go to learn and see how marriage is meant to be... is found in God's word. There are positive and negative examples of relationships between man and woman throughout the scriptures, as well as God's example of how he loves us.

St. Paul is beginning to plan to focus more on having healthy marriages. We will be looking for mentoring couples. If you are interested, talk to Nate Kneser, our Spiritual Care director.

So, I am done. Time to go spend the rest of the day with...  ♭🎜Michelle...my bell...♭🎜(There better be some Beatle fans out there!)

The best thing God ever guided me into, next to Jesus, was MARRIAGE to this lady!!!





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